Is age just a number?

I started college when I was 20 and ever since then I have been really age orientated.

What age will I be when I finish?

Oh god if I do another 2 years I’ll be 26, how long will I have to work before I qualify for a mortgage?

Is 29 too late to have children?

These questions sound ridiculously crazy believe me I know. My friends are like ‘take your time you’ve all the time in the world’ but I don’t feel like that. This is my second week with no job, it is emotionally draining.

I feel like this is the biggest waste of a year, am I working? No. Am I working towards a qualification? Also no.

Teaching is what I really want to do but unless I have a job I won’t be able to pay back the loan. So travel first or train to be a teacher first. So many decisions.

Having all this free time is making me think and then think more and then over think the last thing I thought about. I am trying to be and stay positive but to be honest I am just treating this blog like my diary so that is more than likely why it has a sad feel to it.

Talking about things to friends and family is fine but at times I feel like a broken record. So dah dah, thank you wordpress for my little blog to rant about my feelings and stresses. Even if no one reads it feels good to type it all out.

And by god that is exactly what I am doing.

When all else fails, run

Ugggggggghhhhhhhhh.

Why won’t anyone hire me?

I am putting a decent amount of time into my applications, I am constantly searching, I am looking into up skilling. I am a good employee to have, I am hard working. I have never not had a job before.

So as a mature young adult I have decided to apply for a work visa and run away from all of my problems šŸ™‚

My boyfriend finishes college in May so we have planned to pack up and move away in August. I feel as if I am running away from reality and hey, there’s no guarantee that I’ll get a job on the other side of the world but I might as well try.

But what to do before then?

Get a job, oh dear. Back to the drawing board I go.

The 5 Stages

The 5 stages of grief

denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

I am currently going through these stages having graduatedĀ college in October. I firmly believe I am finally at stage 5, acceptance. I have accepted the fact that I am 24 (nearly 25 lord have mercy on my soul) and have no real direction or idea of where my future is going. Every second day I change my mind, I apply for a job, I reject a job, or my favourite, accept the job and then decline it, out of pure fear.

I really shouldn’t be grieving about college as IĀ have my whole life ahead of me, as people around me keep saying. But how can I not? During them 4 years I excelled. I went to college for 5 days and worked 3 days as a waitress, received a 1:1 in Accounting. That was enough, no one expected anything else.Now I find the first thing people say to me is ‘how’s work’, ‘where do you work now’. There’s just constant pressure, more so than when I was in college.

To say I’m struggling is an understatement.

I moved to Dublin after college to start an accounting contract. I lasted 1 month before I left. I don’t want to be an accountant, question is, what do I want to be?

When I typed in blogs online so many different ones popped up, make up, hair, travel, fitness. I just couldn’t find one that I related to. So here I am, sitting in my dressing gown, googling jobs available, online. Again.

I love Sundays…